Catching up (Part 1)

It's been a little over three months since I last posted anything to the blog. It wasn't that I couldn't find 15 minutes to write each day or even that I didn't have anything to say, but more of a matter of not really knowing exactly what I wanted to say or even if I wanted to say it. I've been wondering how much of my personal life I really want to write about because it seems that in some personal matters as soon as I get excited about something and start to be hopeful, the verbalization itself seems to jinx it and everything quickly falls apart. Back in January I was excited about what seemed to be the start of a new relationship with someone I met in December. He was all too eager to use the word "relationship" like it meant something, but words require action to have meaning. When it came to following through on basic things that one might expect of a "relationship", he just wasn't ready, having not yet gotten over his last relationship, which ended last fall. My heart was broken temporarily - after all, we seemed to have a good connection on many levels, I had actually felt inspired, he spoke German... he seemed to match up with so many things on my "wish list". I guess I just wish he hadn't started off by doing everything right, only to disappoint me when he wasn't really ready to commit. I've since recovered and have been seeing someone else for a little over two months. This time I've decided to set aside my wish list and just go with things, which seems to be working so far. I think the problem is that my idea of love is based on feelings I've only ever had about people who never truly cared about me, i.e. in the past I've "fallen in love" with someone, but it was never reciprocated, so what I think falling in love is actually is just a false perception because it was never completely real. I don't actually know how it is to love and be loved in return. Maybe my idea of love needs to be tossed out and replaced with a different version. Sometimes I almost think the idea of arranged marriage and learning to love someone out of mutual respect might be more practical.

Reasons for rejection

Now that things have more or less gotten back to normal, I can devote some of my writing to things other than dachshunds - such as dating and dating disasters. I was at the Greek Festival today and a friend asked me if I liked dates - I said I love them, as long as they are the fruit variety as opposed to the people variety!

I had to issue another rejection today, this time to the person who gave me the idea to start writing for at least 15 minutes a day, which in fact gave birth to this blog just one week ago. So what was wrong with this guy? I could tell from our e-mail correspondence that he would be a bit of a stiff intellectual. I absolutely love brains and intellect, but not when a person feels the need to flaunt it in your face in every sentence. Like me, this guy had also spent a year teaching English in Germany on a Fulbright, but I think that might be the only thing we had in common. His German was not at the level I would prefer in a future partner, but that is besides the point. He is a PhD student in Classics and I simply could not relate to his interests, nor did I feel inspired to learn more about them. I believe that you can tell within 5 minutes of meeting a person whether there is a potential for a spark, and in this case there was nothing there. If anything, he only made things worse by trying to boast on his intellect, which further alienated me from the conversation. I found myself wanting to look at the watch to see how long I had already endured and was relieved when he finally said he had to go. I also don't like it when guys wear huge class rings, which he did - I find them obnoxious. Since meeting for the first and last time last Saturday, he wrote two e-mails, to which I finally responded today to let him know that I just didn't think we had enough in common to hang out again. In addition to the fact that I sensed absolutely no connection, he is nearly 7 years younger and lives almost an hour away. If there were some sort of a spark, I might not even have a problem with that, but given that there wasn't, why waste time, gas and energy? I'd rather just be honest than drag someone along just to keep from hurting their feelings. He'll get over it.

Another reason I'll never go out with a guy again is if they don't pay for me on a date. I call this the "litmus test". According to John Grey, author of Mars and Venus on a Date, the man should always pay on dates until the couple has reached exclusivity, in which case the woman may also treat her man. This may sound a bit old-fashioned and for my European readers perhaps a bit strange, but in American dating culture this is the way things work and the way they are supposed to be. My litmus test goes like this. On a first date I always offer to pay for my portion. A gentleman either a) never even gives me the opportunity to offer and takes care of the bill when I go to the restroom or b) refuses to accept my offer to pay my portion and says "I've got it". If a guy takes my money, he can be assured that he will never be hearing from me again. This also happened recently, but since that particular guy wasn't my type, I was actually OK with it. I wasn't planning on going out with him again anyway.

More on rejection reasons another time. For now I'd like to relax and enjoy what's left of the weekend. I'll also be posting another picture recipe soon.

Sunday 9-12

The timer is ticking and I'm starting my first 15 minutes. I've just had a wonderful breakfast consisting of homemade gluten-free blueberry cinnamon vanilla pancakes, fresh local cantaloupe and am sipping down my chai latte (with almond milk and stevia) from my over-sized Berlin Starbucks mug. Food will probably be a main part of this blog since it is something I love - especially when it comes to fresh, local produce. I get a produce box from local farmers delivered to my door every week (theproducebox.com) and try to come up with new things to make from the seasonal items. This past week I tried Afghan okra and potatoes served with brown rice, which turned out quite well. The next project is to tackle the mounds of butternut squash I have been collecting, which will probably turn into an Afghan pumpkin dish, maybe another curried butternut squash soup (with coconut milk) and a butternut squash stir fry (also featuring coconut milk). I should also probably say that I keep a mostly gluten-free, dairy-free, soy-free vegetarian diet for health reasons, but still eat fish and eggs. I can post some recipes if people are curious as to what such a person might eat. I actually eat a wide variety of things and love ethnic foods, especially Ethiopian, Afghan, Thai, Chinese, Japanese, Lebanese, Tibetan, etc.

So the idea of this blog is to write for 15 minutes a day on anything that comes to my mind - preferably in one sitting. Of course I could happen to have multiple posts a day, but I should be able to find at least 15 minutes a day.

I've had a lot of ideas lately that I need to get down somewhere. One idea has to do with dating and how sick of it I am. It's a horrible process of elimination in which I do so much eliminating I doubt there will be anyone left over worth keeping by the time I'm done. The problem lies in extremely high standards, requirements of a prospective partner and the fact that most of the guys who could potentially fit the bill are already taken or not interested. So I guess I'll just keep eliminating.

Essentially I want someone who is at least bilingual (preferably German-English), a non-smoker and not an excessive drinker, no tattoos or piercings, preferably not older than 36, never been married (and should also have never lived with a girlfriend) and has no children, intelligent but also has a great sense of humor, not atheist or agnostic, should be taller than me (I'm nearly 5'3" - 5'2" and 3/4 to be exact), preferably have a full - but clean cut - head of hair (shaved heads are fine, but I'm not really attracted to thinning hair and certain patterns of male baldness), no beard or mustache (I find facial hair repulsive), should be physically fit and active (no beer belly or excessive body fat), should preferably eat similarly to me since if I ever have children I would want to keep a vegetarian, dairy-free household and would need a partner who would be on board with that... Sadly I don't think this person actually exists and if they do they certainly don't live anywhere near me. I know I'm picky, but I'd rather get what I want than settle for less.

My first 15 minutes are up now.